s i x p e g s

fashion, music, fun, love and everything about my life.

05:25 insomnia.

with 25 comments

I have laid in my bed for the last 3 hours.
Waking. Falling back to sleep. Waking again.
I really got no idea how my dog can drift to sleep at will,
I think it’s a skill I’ll never be able to master.

But this time, I’m not sure if it’s just insomnia.
Possibly I’d say –
since my return from London, I’ve had troubles sleeping at night.
It could be permanent jetlag or something.
But tonight, it could be something else.

I realized that I haven’t been writing much in my blog lately.

Well, and for the record,
I don’t consider putting up party photos as “writing”.

I’m not exactly happy today.
And my tonsilitis isn’t really helping at all.
There are some problems at home too.
And all these just adds up,
& makes people think so much that they lose their sleep.

I wish I could do more for my family.
I’m too tired to do so sometimes, though.
& all the ranting and screaming just drains me even more.
I look at those people from nice & peaceful families
where everyone seems happy with life,
and it makes me wonder hard.
Why can’t we be happier too?
It is not difficult actually.
I really wish my brother would grow up & know what he is doing.

Sometimes late at night, I sit back in the dark & look at my life.
I really wonder what the future holds.

I think I’m such an imperfect person.
It takes me very long to realize that maybe I’m being unreasonable.
Being someone so obstinate,
it sure takes a huge struggle within myself to come to terms with that.

I think I am just someone simple.
The bad thing about myself is, I don’t think before I act.
I push everything to tomorrow.
I’d scream & blame the whole world on everything that went wrong,
only to run to bed at night cursing myself for being so selfish & stupid.

I just want to be loved.
I need attention.
Hopefully the same amount of attention & love that I’m willing to give.
In order not to be disappointed, should I give less then?

They say,
“Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you wanted,
it doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
Everyone loves differently.”

That is something I need to keep in mind.

I always tell myself love keeps no record of wrongs.

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Written by SIXPEGS

July 8, 2009 at 5:25 am

Posted in Rambles

25 Responses

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  1. Being the eldest in the family, you have much more responsibility and ‘burden’ to carry. You need to be much more mature than the other siblings (like their other MUM, make sure they grow up well and take the correct path in life). And probably you will be your mum’s best friend whom she can share the family’s woes with too.

    Being the eldest, you are like a middleman.. to take care of the old (the parents) and the young (the siblings).

    Think you need to see a doc about ur insomnia, it’s been quite long already. Take care of your health before it’s too late! Esp girls like us.. where all the giving birth stuffs and all.

    Good well soon, friend! =)

    Rin

    July 8, 2009 at 9:00 am

  2. peggy. dont sad.. cheerup!
    for me, for you, for him, for her!
    havin love problems?
    dont put in less cos u know he can’t give u what u want.
    if he’s not the one, then let go..
    ^^
    dont stop smiling cos u’d never know who’s falling in love with ur smile!(:

    liying

    July 8, 2009 at 9:50 am

  3. jiayou

    Huiting

    July 8, 2009 at 11:25 am

  4. every1 loves differently…
    u just gotta learn to accept the love they give & be happy with it…
    i had that kinda feeling not too long ago…
    i guess it takes some getting used to sometimes…

    phOebe

    July 8, 2009 at 12:26 pm

  5. i understand how u feel abt family problems..
    :(

    ronolics

    July 8, 2009 at 12:31 pm

  6. Hey dear,
    Hope that u are feeling better by now. *pat at back*
    I don’t really know what happened, but really, no one is perfect, and no family is perfect too! Each and everyone of us has flaws, some people show it, some hide it.
    Guess it is just part and parcel of life that u r going through these.
    Just do the things that make u happy.
    One life, live it!!
    Jia you, Peggy!!

    Wendy

    July 8, 2009 at 12:33 pm

  7. I can feel how u felt cos this is part of growing old (not growing up anymore). Suddenly things doesn’t go the way u wan it to be and yet u feel that u have more responsibilities like keeping the family together. But your family is the reason why u sld take even greater care of yourself, if u cant take care of yrself, how r u going to take care of the problems on hand? So go and see a doc to deal with the insomia cos in a long run, it is going to take you down. Trust me cos i’hv been thru something similar. As for Buttons, now is the time for him to chiong his career and there are going to be times when you need him and he is not there. it doesn’t mean that he dun love you, i’m sure he wants to be with you thru all these. He is hurting to see you hurted i pretty sure of that. So hang it there gal, jia you and we will all support you thru k? God bless!

    Desiree

    July 8, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    • i know it’s the time ben need to work hard for his career now.
      it’s the thing i’m always telling myself also.
      sometimes i tell myself i’m lucky i have a boyfriend who works hard for what he wants,
      rather than a psychotic and possesive guy. hah.

      thanks desiree.

      sixpegs

      July 8, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    • sorry lah my bee I’ve bee busy lately, just started off at my new job and all, and still juggling my outside commitments – things will get better, promise! :p

      Lim Yi

      July 9, 2009 at 1:46 am

  8. hey peggy…

    remember me, the gal whose bf never wish her happi birthday?

    i was not happy with the initial love that i had. i tot Love #1 was not good here, was not good there. We were together for 6yrs. We seemed to have no bright future.

    So I jumped ship, thinking it was a better catch. Love #2 was more intellectual, refined, gentlemanly, well-respected, noble….blah blah blah…Then half a yr later, I realised he doesn’t see love the same way I do and he never will. But I’m too stuck to move on. Don’t ask me why.

    I start to miss Love #1…he’s much more romantic than #2, he can take care of me really well, he remembers all our anniversaries and will wish me happy birthday every hr on my B day…he make me laugh more…and he can really endure my fiery flares of temper.

    But I can’t rewind time…I came from a broken family. Love was very impt to me, as I wanted so much to create a happy family of my own. I don’t want to be end up like my parents. But now, that dream is shattered too.

    Not sure what problem u face in love…but do think hard…nobody is perfect, if we’re not, our bfs can’t be either. But together, you can made love perfect.
    Just don’t made the wrong choice in the first place.

    Miss

    July 8, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    • i remember you. :)

      everyone set off wanting to look for someone perfect i think. but sadly after a couple years and bad relationship and encounters with bad men, realize that there are no perfect men around.

      your last two paragraphs struck me hard.

      i think i don’t have any problems in my love life.
      i just have a problem with myself.
      everything would probably be perfect if i wasn’t so hard to please.
      i know benjamin would want to be with me every minute of the day if he had time to spare too. i should just try to be more accomodating.

      you’re right.
      we’re not perfect. our boyfriends aren’t perfect too.
      you should be happier too.
      there are always blessings in disguise.

      sixpegs

      July 8, 2009 at 2:57 pm

  9. i think i can feel what you’re going through w your family. my brother is very insensible, doesnt appreciate what we try to give him. it’s difficult to force it on him, so i guess we can only wait for him to realise no matter how long it takes. and my family isnt exactly warm and loving. but recently we got closer cos one of us fell sick and it was then we realise we ought to cherish each other more. but i hope it wouldnt take an illness to knit your family closer. take care! i’m sure a little act of concern would improve the situation bit by bit.

    you are a really nice girl, i’m sure you’ll find happiness in the form you want!x)

    huishan

    July 8, 2009 at 4:27 pm

  10. hello! been a while since i wrote a comment..:)

    i may not know u well, so not sure if these will make sense…be alittle patient with urself and love urself first..then u will pass on the patience to others..
    so don’t be too hard on urself in every aspect…

    no one said life’s gonna be easy ah..that’s why we cry when we first enter this world, not laugh..cos’ of the suffering ahead..:)

    We will learn nothing if everything was like a bed of roses and smooth sailing…

    “The challenges in life is not when things go right, but when things go wrong.”
    “There is no perfect someone in this world, we just learn to live with each other’s imperfections.”

    take care gal…

    belinda

    July 8, 2009 at 5:13 pm

  11. everyone thought i had a happy family, but my brother is also the one who’s giving my parents a hard time. And though i’m not the oldest child (my brother is), i do feel the pressure to live up to my parents’ expectations, becos my brother has failed to do so. And i oso hav a younger sister who looks up to me as a role model.. So i always hav to keep things together and pretend that everything’s alright, despite all the pressure i’m facing from school. So not every happy family is perfect either, its jus that no one sees the fights and quarrels that the ‘happy’ family is going through too.

    I’m jus a regular reader of yours, and i must say.. I can sometimes relate to how u’re feeling, u write really well and u’re making a contribution by putting ur feelings out here, on ur blog.. Lets all jiayou together, i’m sure u can pull urself up. U’ve lots of readers who’re concern abt u!

    waifong

    July 8, 2009 at 5:36 pm

  12. Try to go this clinic for tonsil problem…
    “Parklane Medical Centre”
    DR Lee Kok Wah
    Parklane shopping mall, selegie road #02-25A
    Just went to see him for my tonsil problem, cured a 2 days…he was once an ENT…

    “Something is only serious when death is presence”….Other than that, look on the bright side of life…

    IG

    July 8, 2009 at 7:22 pm

  13. Even the families that looks the most harmonious have their own problems. We, as human beings, are all imperfect. But it is these imperfections that make us look and feel even more “human” than we really are. I don’t think being hard to please and stubborn is a very bad trait at all. We can always turn this “bad” trait into something beneficial to our own lives.

    Cheer up. (:

    vilvian

    July 8, 2009 at 7:30 pm

  14. comeon cousin, cheer up.
    I faced these kinda stuffs too.
    Sigh.
    Seeya soon okay?!
    Take great care, love you always!!! :D

    Raylene

    July 8, 2009 at 11:22 pm

  15. my family seems to be the ‘peaceful’ kind like you mentioned, but we have our own problems as well.
    i’m sure there will be others who think your family is the ‘peaceful’ kind as well.
    家家有本难唸的经

    my bf just flew over to sydney, and now i am the very hard one to please. he is busy settling down there and i am here hoping that he will reply my every sms and emails. and even jus concentrate to webcaming me and not talking to his frenz.
    i hope to think every other girl will be the same like me, expecting this much. but i think we all know that it is impossible to occupy his every min when he is adjusting to a new lifestyle now.

    i can just cry at any random moment or place now. it is very scary for i were never once like this vulnerable. just plainly becos i miss him so much.

    I dunno wat problem you have with your bf, i hope there is nth wrong in the first place. being able to be tgt on the same land i guess that is very blessed. At the very least, able to meet up and just throw a hug. I can’t even whack my bf even if i wan to now.

    take care.
    let’s go butter tgt next wed. HEEHEE!

    siaowen

    July 9, 2009 at 12:16 am

  16. Darling babe don think so much okie…u must learn to be happy and always look at the bright side =) being the eldest are bound to have some responsibility..but always remember you have your friends who cares alot abt u…like your tanning friend =) smile smile okie =) hope you win alot for mj tonite =) mmuacks!

    eme

    July 9, 2009 at 12:18 am

  17. Pegs, TheBodyShop is selling a Deep Sleep Remedy.. just spray on your pillow or bolster before you go to bed. The scent is pretty soothing and calming! Go check it out! It’s $24.90 :) I have 10% discount for that! If you love to try, lemme know! I can always help u buy. :) Cheers!

    Rin

    July 9, 2009 at 8:56 am

  18. Hi Peggy,

    I have been a reader for some time but I haven’t comment much. Everyone’s not perfect and I’m sure most of us can relate to what you feel. Each family has their own imperfection and flaws and we wish that sometimes it will be perfect, but there is no perfection out there. Always learn to love the imperfections and accept it, and things will naturally be better with the positive outlook. :) I’m also sure it’s hard sometimes dating a busy bf, I can relate to that and sometimes I want the attention as well from my bf, who’s busy these days. But in times like these, it’s our best friends that we can count on for company. So smile Peggy, you’re not alone.

    Jen

    July 9, 2009 at 10:50 am

  19. Hey peg,

    Hope U will be feeling better now.. See all the people around you care so much for you, I guess U feel loved too..

    I know the feeling of wanting care and attention from your love ones especially from Buttons.. Coz I also feel the same way, hoping to get some attention and care from my bf too.. Unfortunately, we broke up not long ago.. Reason being, he’s under lots of work stress and he couldn’t give what I wanted, so in the end we parted.. Maybe I’m hard to please or expecting too much from him.. Well, I think if you and Buttons compromise with each other, I guess both of you will go through this pretty well! =) The important things to remember is never take anything for granted and cherish each other!

    And for family, it depends how the communication works, I realised yelling and screaming doesn’t work and it’s not a gd way of communicate. Coz it doesn’t solve the problems, and in fact makes things worse. I don’t know what happened to your family, but perhaps a gd heart to heart talk will be a gd way of solving it? Knowing how each and every family members feel and the cause of the problems then work things out from there.. Hope it helps..

    Cheer up babe! =)

    g!ne

    July 9, 2009 at 3:12 pm

  20. Study Hard party Less. Ben is your role model and you should just hurry graduate and get a good job.

    Do not blame life. Life is Not just about partying and meeting up with girlfriends. It really is just working hard to achieve your goals in Life and aRewards will be seen later

    Do not be stubborn Give it some thoughts

    Mui Mui

    July 9, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    • thanks for lecturing me. really.
      i think i’m not thinking with my fucking head.
      i don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.

      sixpegs

      July 10, 2009 at 3:57 am

  21. Happiness is how u mould it to be…Change is inevitable. Dwell in sorrows? Been there, done that. But we all need to snap out of it and learn to be strong eventually. no one will be there to hold our hands. Not family, not bf, not siblings. It’s you and yourself. Education is a base but it’s not everything. Just do your best and do not live in regrets!

    Janice

    July 11, 2009 at 4:41 pm


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